I began traveling in 2023. That’s not to say I had never traveled before, I grew up in a military family, I was born overseas, and I spent scattered years spread over 12 different states as I grew up. As an adult, I had only traveled by myself a couple times within the US, and after I was married my husband and I traveled to Mexico together for our honeymoon.

That was the extent of my traveling, alone, and international.

When I found my certifying breathwork program, I noticed it was largely based in the UK and that I would have to attend a weeklong graduation there to get my credentials. I was excited for the opportunity and at the time my partner had agreed to journey with me.

When the time came for me to make the trip, my partner had changed his mind about wanting to attend. It crushed me, but I understood his reasonings and spent a few days deciding what to do. Should I just let my teachers know and hope they will certify me anyway? Can I make that kind of journey by myself? I felt my codependency and fear telling me that it was too far, it would be too hard, and I couldn’t make it on my own… I needed my husband to come with.

Somewhere over the next few days a surge of “umph” came my way, telling me I had to go. That I would regret not going over his decision, I had already spent 7 months in this program, I had finally found what I loved, and I had to see it through. I began journaling about these thoughts and the feelings that came up for me when I thought about going, vs not going.

So I went.

The journey was long, and stressful. I had business class tickets so that I could lay back and try to sleep but my body was still exhausted from the worry, the hypervigilance, and the lack of sleep. I finally arrived at my destination and within a couple days, and I used breathwork and grounding practices to self soothe and adjust to my new surroundings. It took a couple days, but I was glad I made the trip.

I spent a few hours a day doing breathwork from different facilitators, all conscious connected breathwork, and all different styles and deliveries. I felt so much embedded trauma coming up to be released, and after a few days I felt more alive and connected to self, and the earth than I have ever experienced. It was almost like being high, literally, on life. So many of us avoid the work because it hurts, you’ll cry, scream, shake, face things you fear, and feel things you don’t want to feel… but what comes next is some kind of blissful nirvana that makes every second of the work worth it.

And then I got a call from my husband that my sweetest dog, Chimera, who was only 5 had an accident and needed emergency surgery with a 1/5 chance of making it out alive. I remember how helpless I felt, how devastated, and terrified I was… and I pushed for the surgery although in the end, she did not make it through.

This was my first experience with death, and grief.

In a foreign country, with people I barely knew, far away from anything that felt like home.

I will never forget how losing her felt, and I will always wish that it had happened differently. I lost a part of me that day, my connection with her was one of souls and magic and motherhood (some past life connections there but that is a topic for a different day).

In this all-consuming grief and darkness, I met a woman. I had never met her before but she stayed with me through my tears, my silence, my ranting, and my despair. She held my hands, hugged me, and happened to be the first woman I can recall to ever wipe my tears away. She let me grieve, she tended to me, and she gave me space. In the horrible nightmare that I was experiencing, she was the light. I lost my Chimera as I knew her in this dimension, and I gained a loving momma bear. Something I hadn’t experienced before in this way.

Both precious things.

I went home feeling both cheated and blessed, but what I found was that I made it through. I breathed my way through each part of that experience, and took comfort in knowing that no matter how great the pain was at times, my breath would lead me through it.

During my time in the UK, a trip to Kenya was brought to my attention. This was for the global inspiration conference held by the international breathwork foundation. I again had fears, my husband in the past had not wanted to travel to Africa for safety reasons but I had always had an interest in seeing the land. My teacher encouraged me to go and a few months later I found myself on a solo flight back to London to link up with her and travel together to Kenya.

In Kenya I met a different version of myself. I felt connected to the land, I felt at peace, and very raw. I loved the people I met, I engaged in some new healing modalities and made some lifelong friendships. While the focus was on breathwork, there were also embodiment exercises, some that used the voice, some healing through vibrations, and many other profound healing opportunities.

To take a break from the intense work (which we should all take from time to time!) I went out to safari… and came back completely covered in baby ticks.

Yes, COVERED IN TICKS.

I had chosen to join a friend behind some trees on the trails to go to the bathroom, and I thought I had done a good job making sure I was clean and that I had chosen a bug free location. I found one big tick on my hoodie and flicked it off and thought I was fine until I noticed that the brown dirt all over my hoodie and pants (safaris are dusty and windy!) was moving, better yet- crawling-all over me.

In came the panic. I was with a group of people and so was unable to turn around and head back to where I was staying so I did the only thing I could… I accepted help from the women who had different oils on hand and I took off my shoes and socks, hoodie, and pants. After a thorough body and hair search conducted by some women in my group, I carried on barefoot to feed the giraffes and finish the adventure. Breathing in, breathing out, surrendering to the experience, accepting the situation for what it was.

Luckily, after a thorough shower, there were only a few little red dots left behind, and no clingers.

I though to myself, “that was it- that was the hard part of this journey”. I looked into the spiritual meaning of ticks and was surprised to read the message they bring. (Another topic for a different day).

A few days after the tick fiasco, I became really ill… like really, really ill. There had been something working its way through the conference, taking out a couple people day 1, then almost triple that day two, and the numbers sky rocketed from there. Interestingly enough, everyone had slightly different symptoms and later we found out that different bugs were actually going around. I got sick on the last few days of the event, and my symptoms were worse than 90% of the others who had been sick.

I tuned a funny color, I sweat excessively, I couldn’t keep food or water down, I was vomiting and stuck on the toilet, I had a headache, body aches that felt like I was literally burning in hell, and as time went on I started getting confused and had a hard time reaching for my water or getting to the bathroom. I don’t know what happened, but I remember thinking “I’m going to die here and someone is going to have to figure out what to do with my body.”

I lost 8lbs in 3 days. Again, all I could do was breathe through it, accept what was happening, and surrender.

Somehow, I cleared up in enough time to make my flights, and I again, arrived home feeling like I had survived a couple miracles, I had made it through. Without the ability to down regulate, practice acceptance and surrender, and release the stress and anxiety accumulating in my body, none of these trips would have been possible.

I’m writing this blog from Cape Town, South Africa. Yet another solo trip across the seas… I had a meltdown on the ride to the airport. I started to realize how codependent I felt, how afraid I was that everyone would forget me in the three weeks of my absence. I was so afraid and spent several minutes trying to regulate my breathing before entering the airport with wet lashes and a post cry sniffle.

One might ask, “if this is so hard, why do you keep doing it?” And to that I say… it’s all for the insight and blessings lessons (blessons).

What did I learn this time during my travels to South Africa?

Stay tuned…